Dreams from My Past


‘Dreams from my Father’, that is what I am reading nowadays. It’s not that I am fond of Barack Obama, but to understand how can a boy like one of us can become the President of The United States. And even more important is that he can make us dream of a better world where there is peace and no discrimination on any basis that too in these troubled times. I have seen a forty-five minute biography of Barack and it was like nothing wrong was ever done by him. But when I am going through his autobiography I can see that he was also having the same problems. Just the difference is that most of the people just don’t care to answer or reason about their dreams, origin and their place in this world. But some people do try to reason these sentiments and get close to the real meaning of life.

I was born in a small village where there used to be plenty of rains to grow enough grains and vegetable to feed a joint family of my Grandfather. The wells were never dry even in the months of summer. But things changed for me and my village in no time. My father got a job after completing his Diploma in Instrumentation at in Rawatbhata. And my mother with me, my brother and sister came to Rawatbhata which is not bigger then any town in general but the population varied and there are people from all over the country, it was different and more fun. This changed a lot of things for me. But, I never much got used to the way of living there, I was so attached to my past in my village. I was shy and never had many friends. All I had with me was my family and my village.

Rain and umbrellas in a village
Rains and Umbrellas, Photo: Manoj Yadav

Then after twelve years I came to Kota for a coaching, first time away from my home – Rawatbhata. Kota was dirty, fast and developing like I had never seen anything. I lost my way there, I didn’t study but roamed around the city trying to answer my own doubts about my own self. Then I came to Jaipur and it has been 3 years here. Things are changed now but doubts still exist and every time I think about them I feel myself much closer to the answer.

Village childen curoius about something.
Curiosity, Photo: Manoj Yadav

All this time the biggest question I had was about my own dreams. I never quite knew what I wanted to do. But somethings remained constant from the time I gained consciousness and some things developed as my consciousness developed and they never were suppressed. I saw that love for nature and the past of my village was always constant. The dreams from my past still exist. That may be the reason why I was always interested in environment and rural development. And the frustration of daily life were majorly form corruption, discrimination, discomfort, faulty government policies, world problems, injustice, inefficiency, false claims and nepotism.

One thing I can do is to clearly save myself by following the system. Other option is to try to make things better for myself and the society. I am not an altruist but I will find my satisfaction in doing something meaningful.
Now I am searching for the opportunities which can help me find the path which I have chosen for myself. So to all those who are reading this blog I will welcome suggestions and discussions. I would also love to get in contact with any of you who also feels there is a need of doing something which can really bring change and make this world a better place to live in.

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