I am not an emotional person. Or maybe I am. But, when I took an MBTI test, I came out to be an INTP. I tried again at different sites and always it was INTP. But, when it comes to emotions attached with people, places and things, I have felt overtly emotional.
When I was a child, I used to literally cry when my favorite relative visited as a guest to our family and left after a couple of days visit. That was really difficult. I was so much attached to people.
When our old black and white Dyanora television set (with shutters) was sold and a new BPL color TV with remote control was brought, for a couple of days, I missed our old TV and I did not enjoy the new one at all. As the sadness went away with time, I started enjoying the new TV set. This is how I loved things.
My village, where my grandfather, grandmother and uncle lived, was my favorite place to visit during summer vacations. I loved my village and always felt nostalgic and did not want to return back to my town. This is how I loved places.
Later also, I loved a lot of things in my life, to whom I cling for a long time until they were proved lifeless and useless (for things), distant relationship (for people) and people-less (for places). For example, a set of my poems from my school and college time which were about hundred and each one unique, I lost them in ISKCON hostel where I lived for not more than a month. I still miss them sometimes.
Even though I behaved quite emotional, I sometimes feel that I lack the understanding of others’ feelings. I hurt them unknowingly. And when I become extra conscious, I fear hurting them. I never learned people. People are something which confuse and worry me a lot.
As far as things are concerned, they don’t worry me much because they do not get hurt. Regarding places, they remain same, but now days, I feel they also change as the people associated with them either go away or do not remain important in my life. Then, those changing places do not remain important to me.
But, people do. They have the power to hurt me, make me feel sad and make me feel guilty of hurting them. Sometimes I cross the limits. I become really sad and fearful even by a thought of losing them. And when it is the time to actually depart, when those fears of being apart become true, I compose myself by dreaming and planning irrational and imaginary stuff. And after a couple of days of being separated, the real life comes back drowning myself and only a slight memory of the people and places remain to be ignited again in future.
An amazing thing I have discovered is things and places have got no value unless for the people with whom you spent your time. Places when revisited, alone, they do haunt us with memories of past. Places visited again and again with friends and family makes the bond stronger than ever.
Ultimately, it is people who are important to us. People, living beings, are responsible for the emotions of sadness and happiness. It is the people who make non-living things important for us. As, Christopher McCandless said in the beautiful movie ‘Into the Wild’:
“Happiness is only Real when Shared”
I love my people and I want them all to be with me forever. This unfortunately, is not possible. So, the lesson is, in such a case, it is best to spend as much quality time I can with my beloved. They will make those non-living things and places alive and rich with bright sunshine memories, and I can cherish them when alone.